Starting tonight I work three twelve’s in a row. It may be exhausting, but I love being a nurse. Despite a brief stint in high school where I wanted to be a psychotherapist, and a desire to one day write a book described as an American treasure (my fantasies are modest, aren’t they) I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. My first attempt at college was an epic crash-and-burn resulting in an estimated GPA of .83. . Back then I dreamed of working as an OB nurse, but I also dreamed of binge drinking and staying out all night partying, so needless to say, nursing school was a no go for quite a while.
Some who know me have probably heard me vocalize my “disgust” at OB because I “hate vaginas”. It generates a lot of laughs, hell, it even makes me laugh- and would be perfectly hysterical if it were entirely true. I’m not saying I love vaginas, but I don’t hate the idea of them so much that I couldn’t work in a particular field of nursing. Any nurse will tell you, you’re still going to see lots of private parts in no matter what field you’re in. The truth is the thought of being an OB nurse started to sour after my diagnosis with PCOS. To steal from my ‘About the blogger’ section:
PCOS is characterized by a bunch of fun things like insulin resistance (fancy way of saying possible type two-diabetes diagnosis), and lack ovulation. Basically, instead of ovulating each month like all the fertile-myrtle’s in the world, my body starts to mature the eggs but halfway through says “F-this, I’m done” and that unfinished egg will line the wall of my ovary. For more information please go to: http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html
The thought of being the nurse that was sending so many people home with babies was exciting, because I love happy endings, but at the same time that same thought would gnaw at my soul and deepest insecurity that it would never happen for me.
So I didn’t become an OB nurse, which is okay. In the last fifteen years a lot happened in my life which has given me a desire to work in a bunch of different nursing fields. The death of my grandmother in 2010 not only motivated me to return to school, actually attend classes and maintain a stellar GPA (my penance for the embarrassing first college attempt), but it also made me develop a love for hospice nursing- which is my ultimate nursing career goal. I’ve worked as a psychiatric nurse on a crisis stabilization floor- there was never a dull moment in psych. I could probably start an entire blog about the stuff I saw and heard while working full-time in psych. I currently work nights in a Long-Term Acute Care hospital, which involves lots of ventilators and wound care, and it is hands down the most physically demanding job I’ve ever had.
I love this job. No matter how stressed I am about whatever stage of the month I am in, once I walk into work it all fades away. For twelve hours I don’t have time to think about how depressed I am or how there was another pregnancy announcement of my Facebook newsfeed. It puts things in perspective; it could be a lot worse. I still have the ability to stand, walk, talk, breathe on my own; hell, it can’t be a bad day if I can wipe my own butt! Also, there is a certain kind of peace that comes when you’re able to just hold a patients hand and reassure them that, at least for the moment, everything is going to be okay.
Hopefully one day I’ll have a baby. Maybe one day I can give OB nursing a shot, or maybe I won’t. I will say it’s liberating to not hold to the lie about OB nursing anymore.