Today I went to see Dr. Tarantino, my reproductive specialist. It’s the appointment that I’ve dreaded: the “easy” methods to make a baby weren’t working and it was time to tinker with the treatments. I knew what he would suggest before I even scheduled the appointment. I could have saved myself some money in retrospect, but at this point I’ve spent so much, I don’t even blink when I hand over my debit card. I do hear little cash register noises in my head though.
In a nutshell the oral medications aren’t working. He suggested using either injectable medications with an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination), or going straight to IVF (In Vitro Fertilization).
I didn’t want it to get to this point. I don’t want to end up a Kate Gosselin or an ‘Octomom’ and have more kids than I have selected baby names. I fooled myself into thinking I would just need a little help. I really wanted this to just be something that could be overcome after a few rounds of pills. At least then I wouldn’t feel like such a complete and utter failure. Every month my optimism was chipped away and now I’m just defeated.
It is currently 3:30 in the morning, and I’m up surrounded by a pile of information on injectable medications with IUI and IVF. As much as it pains me to do, I am sitting out the next month and not taking any medications treatment to get my head straight. I need to figure out what I’m going to do, and fast. Yes, IVF is way, way, way more expensive than just the injectable meds with an IUI, but it also has a higher success rate- an estimated 70% of women will have a successful pregnancy within three attempts. Continuing on with the injectables and IUI has just a smidge higher success rate than oral medications and IUI, which obviously didn’t work, but is at least $10,000 less a month.
Oh, and because it inevitably always comes up, I want to say that I’m all for open conversation about infertility, and I would love to hear about anyone’s road to being a parent. I don’t even mind receiving advice, but please know that I have probably done/tried most of homeopathic ways people have been suggesting.
For example, here are some of the not-so-scientific ways I’ve tried to help myself conceive a baby:
- Legs in the air (and waving like I just don’t care) with a pillow under the hips after have “relations” with the hubby
- Meditation while listening to New Age music on Pandora (does it count if I just end up falling asleep)
- Used the power of positive thinking a la “If you visualize a baby it will grow” (Not only guys dig Field of Dreams)
- Asked for prayer and prayed even though I have no idea where I stand spiritually
- I ate healthier, lost weight and cut back on caffeine and take vitamins
- Had a few glasses of wine and got frisky with my husband (Because nothing seems to knock up teenagers more than getting plastered; I thought this was a sure bet)
- Oh, and yes I’ve tried to RELAX!
Doing all of that, while taking medication, still resulted in no baby. It’s obviously not just going to happen for me.
So please keep me in your thoughts, prayers, cross your fingers, burn a candle- whatever you do when you are wishing good on someone- while I ponder what to do next.