I have to say, it is very weird to not be taking any fertility medications, but at the same time, it’s amazing how much better I feel without them. Femara made me feel awful the entire time I would take it and Clomid wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. I had gotten so used to feeling like crap that I forgot how wonderful it feels to not be suffering through God-awful side-effects like joint pain, mood swings, or constipation.
Not actively trying to get pregnant this month is weird. It was an all-consuming thought for so long that I almost forgot who I was without obsessing over infertility. When I worked on the psych unit, I would always tell my patients that they were so much more than their mental illness. Well, I forgot that I am so much more than my infertility. I’m a person who likes dogs and cats, going to the casino, and reading Stephen King novels. I like crying over Hallmark commercials, and the end of the movie ‘Rudy’, and reciting the dialogue to ‘Steel Magnolias’. I’m essentially a mush, and a nerd, and a happy person who is going to work really hard at maintaining my optimism for whatever the future holds.
I’m also going to finish my homework for the week tonight. See that’s optimism right there. Eh, more likely delusional thinking.