Catching up

I know it’s been a while. Life got hectic as it usually does around the holidays. In December I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree. It’s a relief to be done with school. For now. I can only let my brain sit idle for a few minutes before I’m on to the next idea, maybe law school, most likely a doctorate degree.

In December I passed what would have been my due date. The 17th was a date I dreaded and it came and went like all days do. My husband and I spent it in St. Augustine, one of our favorite places, looking at the pretty little city lit up with lights. We were surrounded by families and children and it made me sad. I miss the idea of my son, Oliver. I sometimes imagine what it would be like having a one or two month old baby right now. How different would my life be? I try not to think about these things too much because there is no point in driving myself crazy.

We have had four failed IUI’s (intrauterine insemination) since my miscarriage. Every failed attempt brings another fresh set of tears and anger. I remember every time someone said ‘At least you know you can get pregnant’ and I stifle a scream because it didn’t work that way for me.

We are at a crossroads now and I don’t know what we are going to do next.

6 thoughts on “Catching up

  1. My due date was March 24th last year. Losing a 5 month pregnancy was devastating. I could have had a one year boy. It pains me every time I think of it. It has been a tough year. We have gone through 5 IUI’s with no luck. I have one more cycle to go before we start with IVF planning. Even the husband has started to feel the strain of what is going on. I hate it when people tell me, it will happen don’t worry. Worry is all I am consumed with.

    I do know friends who have been in similar situations.I don’t know how they dealt with their daily living, but they stuck it out, they didn;t give up and they did everything they could to stay positive. Eliminating stress has been difficult for me, but I have adopted some life style changes to help me through this phase.

    I am sharing this with you, so you know you are not alone. There are countless women going through what we are. That doesn’t take away from the pain you feel, but hopefully you will be less hard on yourself, more positive and continue to keep the faith!

    Best of luck. I will be looking out for the day, you tell us, you are having a baby.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Does it make sense when I honestly also don’t know what to say to you to make you feel better… If only I can give you a hug right now. I think it would be the only way I can convey what I want to say. *Hugs*


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