If you aren’t familiar with the five stages of grief, please visit this site Resolve: Grieving and Growing. Then you can see that I’m hanging out in anger this week.
I’ve completed all the testing to proceed with IVF, and got a clean bill of health. No genetic disorders to pass on, no odd blockages to be seen, good egg quality- just that pesky problem where they sorta mature, then get lazy and stop and I don’t ovulate without a shit ton of medications. John’s sperm are A-okay. Everything is good to go except:
$23,715. For one round (meds, egg aspiration, embryo testing and freeze, with a frozen cycle the following month) of IVF. $23,715 with no guarantee it will even work.
I’m sorry for those of you who don’t like cussing, so you may want to just skim this next part, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
I might as well high-tail it out to Vegas and put that shit all on black.
There is no way I have that type of money on hand. Even cashing in all of our retirement accounts would only get us halfway there. Even with the wonderful support of those who assisted with our GoFundMe account, I’m not even close. That money covered the ridiculous prices for pre-IVF testing, with just over $200 left for future…I don’t even know what.
Yes I’m aware I can get financing. I’m looking at the APR for $23,715. The lesser the APR, the more expensive the payment- $889 for 5.99%. It goes down from there, but none of the monthly payments are less than $355. And that APR is 11.99%, and would cost an additional $15, 600 in interest.
I’m also aware that I’m set to start paying back my student loans in three months, and yes I could defer, I know, but interest is accruing there now that I’m done with school. I did look into jumping right into a Master’s or Doctorate in Nursing program, but that’s a $24K program in and of itself.
Yes, I know I can get a second job and am looking, as well encouraging John to do the same, or start taking college classes and pulling the max out on student loans and just using that toward treatment. We are trying to work out the fine details of the shit-storm that is becoming our lives. Things are fairly tense most of the time. I don’t like worrying about money.
I know some people may think along the lines that, if I can’t afford the IVF treatments, then I can’t afford a baby. So, for those of you who never had to endure the embarrassment of infertility treatments, tell me about how you needed to take a loan to conceive (just conceive) your first child. Yes, adoption is an option, yes I looked into it. It’s roughly the same to $40K to adopt a child.
I’m trying not to be pissy about my life, but I know lately I’m failing miserably. Sometimes I sit and think that I shouldn’t even be writing this whoa-is-me post and I should instead be a sleep deprived mother to a nearly four-month old little boy.
Screw fate, the universe, or just random coincidence for giving me the short end of this stick.
I don’t wallow in self-pity every day. I still have to work and what not. I still volunteer every week with hospice. I still shower daily. There are just days that I just sit and watch endless blocks of Dateline on OWN or binge watch the ID channel, but due to some lactose intolerance, I don’t get the perk of sitting on the couch with some Haagen Dazs.
I’m not saying I’m giving up, but I am feeling pretty defeated.