I’m trying not to be pissy

If you aren’t familiar with the five stages of grief, please visit this site Resolve: Grieving and Growing. Then you can see that I’m hanging out in anger this week.

I’ve completed all the testing to proceed with IVF, and got a clean bill of health.  No genetic disorders to pass on, no odd blockages to be seen, good egg quality- just that pesky problem where they sorta mature, then get lazy and stop and I don’t ovulate without a shit ton of medications.  John’s sperm are A-okay.  Everything is good to go except:

$23,715. For one round (meds, egg aspiration, embryo testing and freeze, with a frozen cycle the following month) of IVF. $23,715 with no guarantee it will even work.

I’m sorry for those of you who don’t like cussing, so you may want to just skim this next part, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I might as well high-tail it out to Vegas and put that shit all on black.

There is no way I have that type of money on hand.  Even cashing in all of our retirement accounts would only get us halfway there.  Even with the wonderful support of those who assisted with our GoFundMe account, I’m not even close.  That money covered the ridiculous prices for pre-IVF testing, with just over $200 left for future…I don’t even know what.

Yes I’m aware I can get financing.  I’m looking at the APR for $23,715.  The lesser the APR, the more expensive the payment- $889 for 5.99%. It goes down from there, but none of the monthly payments are less than $355.  And that APR is 11.99%, and would cost an additional $15, 600 in interest.

I’m also aware that I’m set to start paying back my student loans in three months, and yes I could defer, I know, but interest is accruing there now that I’m done with school. I did look into jumping right into a Master’s or Doctorate in Nursing program, but that’s a $24K program in and of itself.

Yes, I know I can get a second job and am looking, as well encouraging John to do the same, or start taking college classes and pulling the max out on student loans and just using that toward treatment.  We are trying to work out the fine details of the shit-storm that is becoming our lives. Things are fairly tense most of the time.  I don’t like worrying about money.

I know some people may think along the lines that, if I can’t afford the IVF treatments, then I can’t afford a baby.  So, for those of you who never had to endure the embarrassment of infertility treatments, tell me about how you needed to take a loan to conceive (just conceive) your first child. Yes, adoption is an option, yes I looked into it.  It’s roughly the same to $40K to adopt a child.

I’m trying not to be pissy about my life, but I know lately I’m failing miserably. Sometimes I sit and think that I shouldn’t even be writing this whoa-is-me post and I should instead be a sleep deprived mother to a nearly four-month old little boy.

Screw fate, the universe, or just random coincidence for giving me the short end of this stick.

I don’t wallow in self-pity every day.  I still have to work and what not.  I still volunteer every week with hospice. I still shower daily.  There are just days that I just sit and watch endless blocks of Dateline on OWN or binge watch the ID channel, but due to some lactose intolerance, I don’t get the perk of sitting on the couch with some Haagen Dazs.

I’m not saying I’m giving up, but I am feeling pretty defeated.

9 thoughts on “I’m trying not to be pissy

  1. I know, it’s incredibly not fair. The worst. I look at it this way- if it works it will have been worth it, but you never know if it will work until you try. It’s hard to stay positive when thinking about the finances of it all, but have hope. Fingers crossed for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree, it bites. My husband’s employer doesn’t cover it and we’re just fortunate I was able to get a high credit line on my credit card (we’re at least getting mileage for it). Question: is this the only RE you can see? I ask because it’s $13K at mine for IVF ($17K for donor egg, which we’re doing). Also different docs do different amounts of testing and I learned a few of the tests & meds are covered by insurance (Estradiol in pill form for example was covered, injections aren’t, because the pills are used for non-infertility situations too). Anyhow either way I would highly recommend getting a couple of opinions on what’s out there regarding price, see if your insurance company covers any of the meds (just don’t mention it’s for ivf), and if you haven’t already make sure to go to the SART website to check the statistics of doctors in your area for the kind of IVF treatment, your age, and your own diagnosis. The success rates for IVF very widely depending on the diagnosis of the patient, and for us there’s no way we would have gone through regular IVF as I have diminished ovarian reserve, so we got an egg donor, and because of that we were able to get a dozen fertilized embryos and can keep trying for much cheaper than traditional IVF.

    Also I know you’re incredibly budget focused but if there is a clinic that requires a little bit of travel like a few hours, and is much less expensive like ours is ( not sure where you are but we’re in Portland and go to Fertility Northwest… we chose them over the two big Clinics who were more like car salesmen) and they actually gave us a discount for not using insurance.

    But either way the cost is totally shitty, and when I read how other countries cover it completely it makes me even more upset.

    Whatever you do don’t feel pressured to put yourself into massive debt, talk to a lot of people who have the same diagnosis as you ( don’t trust anyone who says “gee you never know until you try”) because I agree it is like going to Vegas as far as odds. We are on our third try after two negatives already, and I know it takes some women often a few times..if it works. The other thing for us is that we’re never going to be interested in putting two embryos at a time as we do not want to have a high-risk twin pregnancy ( nor do we have the financial means to support twins… hell even my fertility ND who had twins said it bankrupted her!).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Infertility and miscarriage already take such a huge physical and emotional toll on us, we really don’t need the added financial stress! It really sucks! Have you looked at some grants? I’ve seen some websites about it, I could look it up for you (though I have no experience with it, I’m in Europe). Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is unfair. IVF should not cost that much – it’s the private companies that push up the prices. I feel it’s wrong to profit from other people’s desperation and unhappiness!

    Liked by 1 person

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